palm

you said we made
a strange shadow
when we would lie together;
those were early evening
hours when
i would pretend to read your palm,
but i would just tell you
that you should love me


a.w.

white hair

you appear moved that i am
giving you something,
all of my poetry, all of my heart,
i have drained it from this body
and encased it in a box.
i had meant to save it
for when my hair went white,
when you had forgotten why
you'd loved me in the first place.
i had meant to save it
but you leave too soon
and when my hair has gone white
you will have forgotten my name.


a.w.

like you

do i know where i am without you
where do the eyes go that would have
knowingly met yours
when there is something silent to mention
i am only tracing the outline
of the dark design on the table
because my hands don’t know where to go
now
do i stop hearing the quiet songs in the background
that we would have hummed or whispered over
do i stop waiting to see a pair of shoes like yours
someone who smells like you that i follow pitifully
for a moment
until i decide that it is not a close enough match
i am only writing words down because
you are not here to tell
that the night is long and even the good dreams
are never as sweet as a single, slight memory
that comes and goes
like you

new method

i want to love you right.
not in the way that i would want,
but in the way that you want.
i want to look at the way you sit
and understand what part aches
the things that make you laugh
the hardest
the comments that make you squint
i want to see.
i keep loving
the only way i know how,
seducing myself into the idea of love
but not you.
there is something i am not hearing
in these many words i have
to sort through.

i want you to lean in close
and say “how did you know”


2004